I like not being in love with anyone. It's refreshing. More than that, I like the idea that I don't have to be in love with anyone. Flirting is fine, talking, even falling in love. But I don't have to be in love. I can just be me. Nice.

I just spent the last ten minutes scrounging under my bed looking for a pack of cigarettes. Am officially a bum.

Why is it that as soon as I get back to school, I get more job offers than Christ at a carpentry convention?

It's been a weird summer. But hey, weird is okay. In short,

1) basically no job. Or rather, job in title, but no students to teach.
2) lots of parental fights. funsies.
3) cold. why?

but also

1) wrote most of a novel (~50 pgs)
2) saw lots of friends
3) actually got a tan


so all in all, about even. there are worse things.

I am so going to freak out over SPN season 5.

Technically, it's also a Tours blog for the first two weeks. Tours is a petite petite ville where we're staying until we leave for Paris on the 11th. But stay tuned for updates, photos, and more @

etarinparis.blogspot.com

Mainly so the parents & various friends can observe without them seeing my livejournal. Enjoy!

The above line is from the now-defunct band The Organ, and has been in my head for roughly my entire life.

Last day at SPIN tomorrow! It's been amazing, and I'm definitely not ready to leave, but oh well.

Also, has anyone noticed how Santogold has appeared in roughly four commercials this summer? Madness, I say. Two beers, one car, and something else I believe. Can't blame her, since she is awesome reincarnated.

Wow. Been a long time since entries have been, you know, happening. What can I say, I was living the dream. It's been the craziest summer - so busy and amazing, and really weird at the same time. Woo for inarticulacy.

But the big picture is that I'm bringing this back. Because in exactly two weeks, I'll be in Tours, France. Two weeks later, I'll be studying at the Sorbonne in Paris. This is beyond amazing, and I want to let you guys know what will be going on, since I'll be slightly hard to reach.

Also, my Skype name is etartane. So friend it!

To sum up, this summer has included:

Visiting Mel at Omega (awesome!)
Going to loads of birthday, non-birthday, and related parties
Working at SPIN!!
Getting backstage passes to the Download Festival
Visiting Amherst with Eli

It's funny, it felt really busy, it went by really quickly, but looking back I can't really point to anything I did. I don't know if that's good or bad. Also this is the greatest new band on the planet:

http://www.myspace.com/handsonheads

the visa debacle continues, but should be abating shortly. In other news, I am a baking fiend. Just made these amazing banana chocolate chip muffins. I want to start experimenting - anyone have any fun/exciting baking recipes?

You'll notice I said baking - Eli are me and non-traditional, mainly in that he does the cooking and cleaning. I am in charge of desserts and movie selections. Good deal.

SPIN is amazing. I pretty much want to live there. I mean, everyone is completely too cool for me but hey, that's how it goes. Also Naeem Murr is an amazing writer and I am totally his fan club. We somehow share the exact same writing style and topics - eerie...

Last night I had the most amazing dream. All I can remember is that I was at a little cafe in Paris. It was really crowded, and everyone was talking french. but then the french morphed into several different languages. And I got this amazing feeling of inexplicable happiness.

This is going to be amazing.

I really need to start writing again. I can't believe how long it's been, and I know I need to start again. Here's a short poem, obviously not by me, but T.E. Lawrence had skills, boy:

I loved you, so I drew these tides of men into my hands
and wrote my will across the sky in stars
To gain you Freedom, the seven-pillared worthy house,
that your eyes might be shining for me
When I came.

like damn. I keep tripping over my own tongue lately. I have to get out of my head or something.

gaaah finals.

iron man is kind of the best thing ever. true fact.

SPIN internship. I keep thinking of that whenever I get stressed and things totally feel okay.

I don't feel frightened of anything right now.

I woke up and there were robins singing all through the campus. That is good.

I have gone through more resumes than I ever thought possible. I like looking at apartments without intending to buy one. That's mainly it.

I am definitely an English major. Nothing can dissuade me.

check it:

newidols.blogspot.com

It's going to be a good year.

I'm going to Paris. I'm going to see my friends. I'm going to get drunker. I'm going to finally take a college art class. Last year was okay, but this year? I can feel it. Can you feel it? Cause I can feel it.

I never want to be my mother when I grow up. I don't want to act like I know everything and only be interested in little books and talk endlessly about how I hate my job. If I'm ever like that then finish me off.

I love my parents but dear God never let me turn into them.

I hate being indecisive.

It's weird how you wrestle with big, important decisions, and you just wind up where you were in the beginning.

I'm still going to Paris.

I'm still (probably) going to be a history major.

They're the two scarier options. The harder ones, the ones I know less about, the ones that come less naturally. Maybe that's good. Maybe that's really, really bad. I don't know.

I know what I want. I almost know who I want.

I want to make less lists and take more risks and do things that are hard. That's what she said.

No one should ever be smart as a child, because the fact that things are hard when you grow up comes as such a shock. Like someone flicked the easy switch. That's okay, though, I guess.

Fingers crossed, I suppose.

College has made me forget how to relax.

Seriously. I watch tv, and after a while I get jittery. I need to de-condition myself.

I miss all of you. I really need my phone, which would make the whole telling of how much I miss you a lot easier.

So, weird moment. I just felt, with total clarity, that I know what I want to do. I want to move to England, write, and live off that. Have a dog named Becket and a really cheap tv. there we go.

Now I just have to go about it. I think I should talk to Jack @ the Big Takeover, see if he knows anyone in the U.K. looking for a writer.

cheers x